Wedding Speech Tips
This is a simple guide to making your wedding speech. It answers some of the most frequently asked questions, and gives you some tips on making it as easy as it can be. If you’d like to know more, or if you’d like some advice, I’ll be happy to help - e-mail me - sdbslack@iconz.co.nz.
HOW DO I STOP MY KNEES FROM SHAKING?
I won't tell you that you won't get nervous, because the plain fact is, you probably will. But you should know this: most people do. In fact, if there's no adrenalin, it probably won't be much of a speech. The important thing is to keep it in perspective. Just use these tips, and you'll find that there's nothing to worry about.For starters, remember that you're not sitting an exam, you're talking to your friends. Your friends and family are the warmest audience you'll ever have. They've come to your wedding, and they're on your side. Think of it as a bigger dinner party than usual - and it's your turn to tell a story. Just relax and remember how comfortable you would be back at the dinner party - then go ahead and tell your story.
Here's another tip. It's the waiting that's more likely to make you nervous. Once you're on your feet, and you've started talking, as long as you know what you're going to say, it's suddenly a whole lot more fun. So remind yourself of that as you're sitting and waiting, and make it easier by repeating your first line to yourself. That way when you get to your feet, and the room goes silent, you won't suddenly freeze. Instead, you'll just say that line you've been repeating to yourself over and over. And with that out of the way, you'll find the rest just follows.
Of course, for that to happen, you'll need to know your speech well. Which leads us to the next question:
WHAT WILL I SAY?
It's never too soon to work out what you're going to say. The best way to start is to work out a structure: how you'll start, what you'll cover, and how you'll finish.So start thinking about it now. Work out a framework and then keep adding bits and pieces as you think of them.
And don't get hung up on writing it perfectly. Write any old thing down. That way you're under way, and you won't find yourself putting it off week after week.
So what can you include in your speech?
A good place to start is by telling people how you feel. It's your big day, and it's a good idea to say how you feel about that.
Then you might like to thank the people who have helped, especially your family.
The next part can be very important. It's one of the main reasons people enjoy speeches - telling a story. People always like to hear stories, and you have plenty to choose from. For instance you can tell stories about how you met, what you first thought of one another, how things changed (or didn't) as time went by, the ways in which you've had an influence on each other, (for example bad habits you've cured in each other - or ones you've picked up) and so on. ( Of course the procedure is much the same for the other speakers as well. The Best Man, for instance, would find some stories about how he met the two of you, and what he saw developing between the two of you, and - of course - why that's a very good thing.)
Then, say why your partner is special to you. You can use stories to illustrate that as well. It might take a while to think of a story, but here's how to start: make a list of your partner’s qualities -for example, generous, considerate...- and then think of examples. As you think of them, you'll start thinking of interesting stories. Just let it happen over the weeks and months as you get ready, and soon you'll have plenty of material to work on, saving the best stories, and cutting out ones that aren't so good.
And that'll bring you to the end of your speech. Depending on how you've arranged the order of speeches, you may have a toast to make. But for that, we need to move on to the next question.
WHAT ARE ALL THE RULES I NEED TO KNOW?
The usual routine is this:
A welcome by the master of ceremonies, who introduces a friend of the family or close friend of the couple, who makes a speech leading up to a toast to the bride and groom, followed by a speech in reply by the groom, or bride, or both, who thank everyone who has helped organise the wedding, usually ending with a toast to the bridesmaids, who have toasts made on their behalf by the best man who then makes a toast to the hosts - who might or might not be the bride's mother or father or both, who reply. But you don't have to do any of that. It’s all a question of saying the things that matter to you, and having the people who matter to you involved. Choose the people who you would like to say something, decide who should be recognised and thanked, and then work out an order that suits you best.
It's always a good idea to have a master of ceremonies, because they can keep it all in order, and you really should have someone to introduce all the speakers. But apart from that, choose what seems right for you.
One of the ways you can make it particularly interesting is to make some unconventional toasts. For example, each speaker could choose a year that they think is particularly appropriate to toast. (For example '1976, because that was the year that...'). By taking this approach, you give people the chance to think about things in an original way, and have more of a chance of steering away form making speeches that recite all the usual platitudes.
HOW SHOULD I PREPARE?
Write a speech to practice as soon as you can. That'll give you more time to hear how it sounds, and adjust it so it sounds like your usual style of speaking rather than your usual style of writing. And, more importantly, it'll make you so familiar with the speech that by the time you stand up, you'll know just what you want to say.Once you have it written, practice whenever you can - in the car, in the shower. The more you prepare, the more confident you'll be.
WHAT ABOUT TELEGRAMS?
Don't bother with 'humorous' telegrams. We've all heard them and they're all lame.
WHEN IS THE BEST TIME FOR SPEECHES?
You can have the speeches at any stage you like, but generally, they tend do be most successful before you eat, and after people have had some time to mix and drink.
WHAT ELSE DO I NEED TO KNOW?
Be yourself, and speak your mind. This is a chance to say some things that mean a lot to you about people you care about, in front of all your friends and family. That's not a chance people get very often, so make the most of it.
To the automatic wedding speech maker